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Thursday, August 20, 2015

Average Day

I literally just spent 30 minutes writing a post about the average day I usually go through with 3 kids under 2.5. But then I realized no one really probably cares that I feel the urge to put champagne in my coffee at 8 AM or that I secretly pretend like I didn't see Cash hit Benny or that I probably let them watch more TV than they should (sorry not sorry). I think that wasn't even the point of my post. I had a conversation with a friend the other day about the perfect Facebook mom. You know the one that has the clean house and dinner on the table every night and posts it all over social media and makes you feel like shit.  It was so refreshing hearing her say, you know what, sometimes when they nap, I nap too. Or I check my email. Or I watch a TV show. Because IT'S THE ONLY TIME I GET. I will say that I'm very lucky that I have a lot of help. But kids still want their mommas. Just because I have help does not mean I will relinquish control of my kids all day. I get about an hour break these days to do things for just me. Yes, an hour. Sometimes if I'm lucky 2 hours depending on if all 3 sleep at the same time. But Cash and Benny sleep from 1-3 and  Bowen is usually awake for some of that so I like to soak up some Bowen and mommy time. So no, I don't use that time to cook a gourmet meal or bleach my bathroom. I use it to gain back some of my g-damn sanity. Usually that consists of running to the grocery store so I can throw dinner together at the last minute or buying Brett a shirt for work or maybe get Starbucks #icedcoffeeplease. Then before I know it someone is awake and I have my mom face back on again. 

Some days I think about it for a second. I'm up at 5 AM with one kid and have kids with me until 8 PM (with an hour or two break). That's like 15 hours of mommy-ing. Which I do love and is what I signed up for and I'm thankful for. But it's a lot. And it's hard. And it's overwhelming. And sometimes I want to go in my room and cry. Thank goodness for text conversations with Brett through the day, which pretty much consists of:

Me: I want to seriously shoot myself. How's your day?
B: Uh oh. You got this babe :) 
Me: What do you want for dinner?
B: I'll pick up pizza.
Me: THANK GOD.
B: And wine.
Me: THANK GOD.

I'm not really sure where the post is going and now that I (might) be writing again I promise this will be the only too long too serious one for a while. I guess my point is that outside criticism can be hard and unwanted. And the Facebook posts can be overwhelming and make you feel honestly sometimes inadequate.  I have every good intention of cooking one day or getting something done, and it just DOESN'T HAPPEN. And that's OK. Thank goodness I have Suzanne across the street who I can hijack a home cooked meal from in emergencies. It's hard to balance wife, mom, daughter, friend all in 1. But the people I respect the most are the ones who can relate to that the most and understand what we go through, which is hard. Shout out to my B- who always understands and is my partner in crime.

xoxo
ryann